Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
