dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
