I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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