she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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