I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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