My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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