I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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