Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
