sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
