Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
