Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
