would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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