Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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