Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As shirtless as possible
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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