I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
