meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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