I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
