Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
