I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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