If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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