Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize