john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
did i just pee glitter
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