Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
