I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
