Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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