YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
