Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
