He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
