Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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