im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
