so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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