i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
