I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it because I queefed?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
