mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
