I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Come see our sink grown plant.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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