I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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