your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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