Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
