Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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