Your tits are I can't wait for
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
