Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
