a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
