So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
