As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
