Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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