i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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