There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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