what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
