Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
