I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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