take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
